Last night and today have brought my attention to reality. The truth is that this doesn't get easier from one day to the next. The truth is that the dream I always had for my family simply is not going to come true. My children will come through this, as children of divorce always do, but it is unreasonable for me to think that they won't be wounded by it.
When you are a mother, your primary priority is protecting your children. I hate feeling like I failed them, and I keep wondering how I could have spared them this pain and confusion. Of course I know in my heart that I did the best I could, and I know my choices are not what got us here. But that still doesn't make it more bearable. Today's lesson may not be profound, but it's one more way we can train ourselves and prepare our hearts to forgive.
WATCH YOUR WORDS
I have come to realize that every time Husband comes up in conversation, my first instinct is to vent about the many things that frustrate me. At the very least, I find it hard to resist making a sarcastic jab about his character or his choices. I always think this will make me feel better, and actually it usually does. For a moment. But then I realize that the more I say these things out loud, the more difficult it is to stop thinking about them. I can't allow my days to be wasted spewing criticisms and complaints.
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." James 1:26
--Correct me if I'm wrong, here, but it seems like this verse states that even if we try to follow God in all other areas of our lives, it will mean nothing if we continue to let our words get away from us. I don't believe that it means we can never express our hurt or concern to another, but I feel strongly that I need to work on expressing mine more to God and less to the general public.
"The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:11
--The entire tenth Proverb really spoke to me today, so I encourage you to read it if you have time. My prayer is that the words coming from my mouth will better resemble a life-giving fountain as opposed to a soul-crushing tidal wave.
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Two verses came to mind as I read this:
ReplyDelete- Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Luke 6:44-46
- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph. 4:29
This is an area that I struggle with almost daily and the Lord is constantly bringing those those verses to my mind.