About the Project

I am currently going through the roughest period of my life. This year, as I prepare for my 30th birthday, I am also preparing to face the world in an entirely different way than I had planned. My husband of 7 years moved out of our house 9 weeks ago, and we are quickly approaching the 60 day mark required to finalize our divorce legally.

This project is not meant to hurt anyone or damage any reputations, so all names will remain anonymous. I do, however, feel that it is important for you to know my story in order to understand the events that led me to begin this project.

Husband and I met in college, dated for a couple of years, and then entered into the covenant of Christian marriage before the Lord, our families, and many friends. Both of us had accepted Christ many years prior to meeting each other, and we both believed that following His will and bringing Him glory was the most important thing in life.

Somewhere throughout our 7 years of marriage and raising of two children, Satan got a tight grip on Husband's heart. I watched, waited, and prayed as his heart was hardened and his sin addiction took over his entire life. I found out the day he left that he has been in another relationship for over two years now, and he chooses her to spend his life with instead of his family.

This has, as you can imagine, wounded me more deeply than words can express. The pain is sometimes overwhelming, and it is easy to let myself drown in the sorrow of it all. However, Daughter is four years old and Son is quickly approaching his second birthday, and they need a functioning, loving, encouraging mother to bring them through these changes. More than that, they need- we all need- to learn to depend fully on the loving God who created us, knows us, and loves us better than any human ever could. So, my prayer has been for God to help me do just that.

It is hard. There are days when I want to throw in the towel and stop trying to move through the stages of grief. And it may get harder. And I may grow more weary. And I may fail. But, the one thing I know is that at the end of every day- whether marked by failure or success- God is still here for me. He is loving and forgiving, and He knows my limitations though He has none.

One thing I know that I am called to do as a Christian is to forgive others. I have to honestly tell you now that this has never been my strength in life. I am not usually one to hold a grudge, but if you hurt me badly enough, I want to hold on to that hurt and take it with me to the grave. I know that this situation and this person have hurt me more than I could have dreamed possible, but I also know that holding on to this much pain will poison me. The anger I have every right to feel now will soon begin to turn to bitterness. The judgement I wish to place on the guilty parties will eventually lead to my own judgement before a righteous God. And I will have lived a life that produced nothing of value, and my purpose and love for everyone else will soon be choked out by the bitter spirit that will rot me from the inside out.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like the most miserable future I can imagine. I will do anything I can to stop that from happening. And the most I can do right now is to cry out to God, rely on His strength, and ask Him to teach me how to forgive. I also know I need the help of my brothers and sisters in Christ as I face this perilous journey through the pain.

If you would like to commit to praying for me, please check here for daily updates and prayer requests. If you have been led through a shadowy valley that required you to forgive someone who hurt you, please share any insight or encouragement that you gained from your experience. OR- maybe you, too have someone in your life who needs forgiving. It doesn't matter whether it is a wayward spouse, a neglectful or abusive parent, a betraying friend or co-worker, or a child who disappointed you. Maybe it's God you're mad at, or maybe you're just angry with yourself. The topic here is forgiveness, and whatever your story, please join me if you feel called to try it in your own life. I'm beginning a 40 day journey and commitment to seek God's face and learn to forgive so that I may have life to the full.

Each day I will share a little bit here about my struggles and what God has taught me. I will also include the verses I study that day that relate to the process of forgiving. Many of these verses, as well as my prayers will come from the book entitled Praying God's Word, by Beth Moore. I am also doing a study of the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan right now in a small group, so I'm sure some of those thoughts will jump in here too. Tomorrow, October 11, 2009, will be day one, and I hope you will come along!