Day 13

For all of you who have been praying for Husband to sign the papers with no complications, thank you! They were turned in today, complete and unchanged, and it feels as if a boulder of anxiety has been lifted off my back. Also, today marks the start of a weekend with good friends, and I can't wait to spend some quality time with them. Let me get to the lesson, which will take me all weekend, probably the remainder of the 40 days, and maybe the remainder of my life, to digest.

IT SHOULDN'T MATTER IF THEY'RE SORRY.
Yesterday carried, among other things, the first version of a meager apology from Husband. Knowing it was the day he had to sign us away legally probably really was hard on him. But, the words I got from him (via e-mail) still seemed shallow and insincere from my perspective. I want him to really feel the pain that he has caused so many people. I want him to take real responsibility for his actions, repent of his sins, and get his life right with God. I want him to miss me and love his children, and realize that he will never have such blessings again. I can want these things until I'm blue in the face, but I ultimately have no control over his feelings or actions. I can even pray that God would break his heart and show him the error of his ways, but God sees the big picture while I'm stuck here in the middle of the desert. It's not wrong to want these things to happen, but it is wrong to wait for them to.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. " Mark 11:25
--Do you ever pray or ask God for anything? I do. But, before the Lord can forgive my sins and hear my requests, Jesus says I have to forgive everyone I have anything against. He doesn't say to only forgive those who have asked for forgiveness. The forgiveness we read about here isn't even for or about the person who has done wrong. It's about us, having a right relationship with God in order to receive His abundant blessings.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Col. 3:12-15
-- Aren't there some "crimes" against us that are simply too big to forgive? Doesn't a just God believe that when someone crosses the line to a certain extent, forgiveness need not be granted? Not according to Colossians. This tells us to forgive whatever grievances we have, but it also tells of the reward we receive from doing this. Christ has a peace that is beyond our understanding, and it can rule our hearts once we rid them of the toxic hate and judgement we've been hiding there.

"When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals--one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him." Luke 23:33-35
--The Bible refers multiple times to forgiving as the Lord forgave us. These verses show us how deep that forgiveness was. Had the people who hung Jesus on that cross said they were sorry? Had they asked for His forgiveness and admitted their wrongs? No. Jesus said that they had not yet even realized what they were really doing. They were sneering, and hurling insults at the Son of God as he hung there dying an excruciating death, and He was asking for their forgiveness. I'd say that's a pretty good picture of what is being asked of us, and just like Jesus, we will need the power and the heart of God inside of us to ever really get there.