Day 20

Today marks the half-way point of this 40 day journey, and it's interesting to note that I had moments today when I felt just as angry, lonely, or glum as I did on day one. The good news, though, is that I can also see some progress. The waves of emotion and memory that come and knock me over are becoming fewer and farther between. God is using this experience to mold me in to something new, and I am beginning to recognize His handiwork on my heart. Today's lesson stems from these thoughts.

KNOWING WHAT COMES NEXT WOULDN'T MAKE IT EASIER
I am a person who enjoys happy endings. I look for the light at the end of the tunnel, and I always try to find encouraging words for those facing trials in their lives. I do believe, like it says in Hebrews 11, "that God rewards those who honestly seek Him." But I'm tired of waiting for the reward. I so desperately want to hit the fast-forward button and skip past this rebuilding stage in my life. I, at the very least, wish someone would show me the blueprints. I trust that God has a plan for me, and I know that my future will give me the opportunity to somehow enjoy the fruits of this labor I'm doing alongside my savior today.

The hard part is in the waiting. It's in the not knowing. It's in the uncertainty, and the muddy waters that are drowning my dreams just won't become clear soon enough. I'm in the middle of the tunnel, and I can't even see the light yet. I want to trust that it is there, but I really just need to see it with my own eyes so I can keep moving forward. But that's not how God works. The truth is that even if He showed me a glimpse of the prize that I'm so desperately hoping for, I'd still have a million miles to go before I reached it.

Seeing the finish line doesn't make the marathon any shorter, and nothing can make us run it any faster than we are able. But the journey makes us tired. And the road seems to stretch on endlessly before us. And we start to think that if we can't see the finish, we might as well quit now. It's not that we don't have faith that those who finish the race will get their medals; it's just that we instead begin to wonder how much that medal is worth. We want to weigh the pro's and con's of finishing the race. It may be more feasible to stop now, while we can still walk, instead of pushing ourselves to the limit only to be dragged across the line battered and bruised. We've worked up a good sweat, we've burned tons of calories, and we've already accomplished more than most people ever do. So what's the harm in taking a break? How will it hurt us to sit and rest awhile when the race isn't over?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
--It is important for us to remember that God owes us no explanation. He doesn't always show us the ending to our story, because we would be completely unable to understand it. This is where the idea of trust becomes a necessity. We can't keep running if we stop to demand answers.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3
--Why do we keep running this race? Because we are surrounded by those who love and pray for us, and they are able to testify that God's plan is worth the pain. How do we keep running the race? Get rid of the thoughts that get in the way, push the sin out of our lives, and look to Jesus to find our strength.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
--No, we are not supposed to be happy about the trials we face, but we are supposed to find joy in the fact that we're learning to persevere. That's the only way to survive in a fallen world. It takes perseverance to finish the race, and the harder the race, the more we are able to acquire that perseverance. No one said this would be easy, but I know it will be worthwhile.