Day 36: Enough is Enough.

I just got home from yet another soul-stirring worship service, where God very clearly spoke to me about what's next. I think it's interesting that we tend to put time lines on the recovery process, when we must be somewhat aware that it is different for everyone. I am so utterly grateful to God for putting the idea of this project and blog on my heart because I feel that the time I've spent on it probably sped up my healing by not allowing me to avoid the pain and the lingering questions. We can waste a lot of time stewing in the filth that represents our circumstances if we do not force ourselves to progress, and I don't have any more time to spare.

It saddens me to realize how mundane and uninspiring my life had become before we were struck with all this family drama. And if I thought I was focusing too much on my self and my own needs then, I wish I could show you what's been going on in my brain these last few months. I know it is necessary for us to re-evaluate ourselves, our faith, and what we want from life sometimes, but I'm ready to start turning that focus outward.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I'm not delusional enough to believe that I'm completely healed, and whole, and happily ever after at this point in the journey, but I've had enough of the constant self-centeredness I've been clinging to. Enough whining, enough pity, enough being paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. This new life I've been given in Christ can't stop at my rescue. He wants to use my pain and my past to help rescue others.

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
--Just as God has been good to me and brought me through my trouble and heartbreak, He expects me to help others to find justice and mercy, and to focus less on myself and more on how I can help others. There are many people around this world who are suffering far greater injustices than the one that has been done to me, and my pain binds me to them. My hurt for my own family makes me hurt for them and allows me to find new ways to minister to them. What good is suffering if we do nothing as a result?

I've read many verses about justice throughout this process, and I have seen that God has a heart for what is right and He hates it when His people are abused and mistreated. I should be equally as enraged at the wrongs being done around the world, and I have the ability to ask for God's power to help me make a difference.

Part of this morning's message was about real cases of human trafficking, of the AIDS crisis, and of orphans who have no homes. There are things we can do to help, and I am eager to get on board. I love knowing that we are called to a greater purpose than just to cry and pray and share our pain with the Christians around us as we all live our relatively comfortable lives. We are instead called to ban together, just as we would to help a friend or church member, and be the hands and feet of the living God to people everywhere

Every night since Daughter was less than 2 years old, I have prayed with her and told her that I'm proud of her. The discussion almost always ends with me reminding her, "You are sweet, and smart, and beautiful and loving and caring, and you and Jesus can change the world." It is my prayer that she will feel the desire to change the world because she has seen Christ do good works through me. I want my kids to have a heart for the nations, and to be able to put their problems and needs in perspective as they grow.

There are many practical ways we can all get involved, and I hope that everyone who reads this will be inspired to think about it. But I feel that in the wake of my personal tragedy, it is important to look for opportunities to live a better story from now on. One thing that has been on my mind lately is the fact that ex-Husband legally gets to have the kids for 2+ weeks at a time twice in the summer. It breaks my heart to think about being away from my kids for that long, but I am starting to realize that would give me enough time to go on a short-term mission trip of some kind. My heart for missions has always beat steadily inside my chest, but while I was married, my husband had different priorities. So maybe God will provide the timing, the place, and the funds for me to serve in this way this summer. Please be praying for me in this situation that I will be patient to wait on God's timing and plan. I'll leave you with today's prayer for the lost ones in our lives.

"Father, I pray that you will enable ____________ to obey your commands and to love you with all of his/her heart, soul, mind and strength." Deut. 6:5