Day 22

Sorry I didn't write yesterday. It was Saturday; it was Halloween; I had house guests; blah, blah, blah. The truth is that I didn't take the time to make it a priority until around 2:00 am, and by then I couldn't interrupt the defragging process that had been started hours before. And I also couldn't wait until it finished because by then I was dead mom walking.

So today I'll try to cover a bit about the last 2 days. Tomorrow I should hear back from the lawyer about setting a new court date, so please continue to pray that happens this week. The waiting is driving me batty. Also please keep praying for my babies and their precious hearts as they adjust to the idea that Daddy really isn't coming back.

Holidays are hard. I anticipated that they would be, but yesterday was surprisingly difficult. I guess I hadn't given much thought to Halloween feeling like an actual holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas. But I have children who love the chance to dress up and party, so a holiday it was. I felt the sense of loss while watching the kids run around in costume, me snapping pictures as often as possible. I hosted a party at my house for the fourth year in a row, though this year there was one less member of our family in attendance. I was surrounded by wonderful friends, most of whom really put on the party without requiring me to stress about logistics. I have always loved entertaining. Having a house full of people for celebrations seems almost a genetic need for the women in my family, and I usually jump at the opportunity to play the hostess. This presents me with today's lesson.

DOING THE BEST YOU CAN IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO.
I realize this makes little sense, so I'll try to explain. As I stated above, I usually love big groups, parties, and the fun that comes with social activities. I have always been comfortable in these situations. I hope I'm not one who demands to be the center of attention, but I've never minded a little time in the spotlight, either. I've been performing on stages for most of my life, and I spent the last few years of my marriage participating in an elaborate charade to portray a happy family when I knew we were crumbling behind the scenes.

Ever since Husband left, I find myself unable to put on the mask. This is, of course, freeing in a way. I like being able to be more genuine, and it helps so much to finally let others in on my struggles, my needs, and my feelings. However, the inability to maintain my "I'm fine" facade has left me feeling like the girl who accidentally shows up naked to the pep rally in most social situations lately. Last night I wished I had made costumes mandatory for adults as well at our Halloween party, thinking that a literal mask would have made the role play easier on me. And at other moments, I wanted to go hide in the bathroom at my own house until the excitement died down.

I know I'm going to be okay, and I have many moments where I really do feel good, and hopeful and just enjoy laughing and chatting with friends and family. But my point is that there are times when you just can't "fake it 'til you make it." That, in fact, goes against biblical principles, and God never encourages us to be anything but humble and genuine as we live our lives. But I also believe that He wants us to go on and really live, even when we're facing trials.

"As Peter was traveling through all the area, he visited God's people who lived in Lydda. There he met a man named Aeneas, who was paralyzed and had not been able to leave his bed for the past eight years. Peter said to him, 'Aeneas, Jesus Christ heals you. Stand up and make your bed.' Aeneas stood up immediately. All the people living in Lydda and on the Plain of Sharon saw him and turned to the Lord." Acts 9:32-35
--I find it interesting that this short, seemingly unremarkable story is included in the same chapter of Acts as Saul's conversion on the Damascus Road. What God had just done with Saul's life was turn him from a Christian-hunting murderer to a passionate, world-changing apostle of Christ. And now we hear the story of Aeneas.

In this day, in these times, Jesus and His disciples had performed miracles in many different situations. Water had been turned to wine. Lazarus has been raised from the dead. The blind had been made to see, the lame to walk, the Lord crucified and resurrected. And here we find a man who was paralyzed. He had spent 8 years in bed, waiting for his miracle. Hoping for his turn at healing, and believing that it would come.

I love that Peter healed him with the power of Christ and then immediately told him to take action. Did he tell him to run screaming through the streets that Jesus is the King? Did Peter suggest that Aeneas call a town meeting and tell his testimony of pain, numbness and healing? Was he commanded to travel around the world, preaching and teaching the Good News? No. His task was simple. "Stand up, and make your bed," said Peter. That was probably the most the man could do at the moment. But that was enough. The verse says that when he stood up, ALL the people living in that area saw him. And just seeing him do a simple thing like standing up after being bedridden for so long caused all those people to believe in a healing God and turn their hearts toward him. He did the best he could. He carried on after a tragedy and then a miracle. And the world was changed because of it. Oh, that God would use the seemingly mundane tasks of carrying on in my life to point others to His grace.